I spend a disgustingly large amount of time being mad at myself for things I've done or for things that I've failed to do. I have to believe I'm not alone in this.
Like now, for example, I'm mad because less than two days after writing my last post and feeling like I had a healthy outlook on things, I became totally unhinged. I did a mental nosedive when my dog had a relapse, obsessively stressed over the details leading up to my brother's wedding in Chicago, fought with my boyfriend about inane things, freaked out about our move, and -- here's the thing I'm most angry about -- I didn't write in this blog even ONCE.
So much for attempting to live life according to the suggestions in When Things Fall Apart (Pema Chodron). These past few weeks, I was so stressed out that it didn't even occur to use what I learned from Chodron in the hopes it might help when I was struggling.
Annnnnd...I think I just proved why people read self-help books over and over again and there's such a big market for the genre. Although many of these books contain really useful information, it's difficult to train ourselves to follow it. We're so hardwired in how we react to the things that happen to us, that simply reading a book about how to approach life in a different way isn't enough to change our behavior.
Reading self-help is a hopeful and comforting act. But it's what happens after the book is closed and put back on the shelf or moves lower in the Kindle queue that's the most important. And for many people, it's easier to just pick up a new book, then to do the hard work to change ingrained behavior. I don't blame them; in fact, I just did this myself.
At least that's my current working theory...what do you think?
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