Not Chödrön.
Right out of the gates she's busting your balls with instructions in the very first chapter about how you should become up close and personal with fear instead of reaching for a numbing distraction or running away. Why? Because "fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth." Did someone say truth? Oh my god I love truth. I'm so doing this.
But seriously, if you're reading self-help books in the first place, then discovering truth, getting clarity, and becoming more aware are likely on your to-do list. So how do you get started? Chödrön doesn't exactly offer an easy way out. She wants us to look fear right in the eye.
To me this meant making a list of all the things that really, truly scare me. In completely random order they are:
1. The Silence of the Lambs basement in my apartment building. It puts the lotion in the basket...
2. Water that drips down from window air conditioners high above the street into my eye. *Shudder*
3. When my dog gets sick.
4. Crispin Glover.
5. Water skiing.
6. Writing this blog.
7. Getting divorced a second time.
8. Pigeons.
9. When people feed pigeons, and they congregate in really big flocks and peck (the pigeons congregate and peck, not the people).
10. Giant flies.
Well, you get the idea. I think I'll stare down pigeons and divorce another day and zero in on the one fear that I've lately been bumping up against on a fairly daily basis: Water skiing.
I kid! It's writing this blog.
I've had this blog idea for some time now, but I've been too afraid to get started. I can't tell you how many nights I came home from work with the best intentions of sitting down at my laptop and typing out some riveting, award-winning prose all night long.
Instead, here's what would happen: I'd sit down and look at my blank screen; panic would immediately set in. Who the hell do I think I am writing a blog? What could I possible write that hasn't already been written by somebody else? What if I put myself out there and readers think I'm totally lame and they don't like my blog header?
Then, as Chödrön likes to say, I'd find a way to distract myself from my anxiety. Instead of writing, I'd reach for my good friend Red Wine and zone out in front of the TV, telling myself it was totally a worthwhile use of my time because the world might one day need a freelance TV writer specializing in The Bachelorette.
Recently, I've been trying to do the exact opposite of what I usually do. Instead of running away from my fear and hanging out all night on Pinterest, I'm seeing what happens when I look it straight in the eye. For me, this means forcing myself to type words here on the blog almost every day.
I'm still deathly scared every time I start a new blog post. But I sit there uncomfortably and, eventually, starting to write makes the anxiety diminish...somewhat. That doesn't necessarily means I always like the words that come out -- often they embarrass me because they're too sentimental, too honest, or too amateur. But it feels good to confront something that scares me* and have something to show for it.
*One fear that will absolutely not be confronted here on the blog is the Silence of the Lambs basement. So if you're thought you'd stick around to read about that, I'm sorry to say: Not gonna happen.
I've had this blog idea for some time now, but I've been too afraid to get started. I can't tell you how many nights I came home from work with the best intentions of sitting down at my laptop and typing out some riveting, award-winning prose all night long.
Instead, here's what would happen: I'd sit down and look at my blank screen; panic would immediately set in. Who the hell do I think I am writing a blog? What could I possible write that hasn't already been written by somebody else? What if I put myself out there and readers think I'm totally lame and they don't like my blog header?
Then, as Chödrön likes to say, I'd find a way to distract myself from my anxiety. Instead of writing, I'd reach for my good friend Red Wine and zone out in front of the TV, telling myself it was totally a worthwhile use of my time because the world might one day need a freelance TV writer specializing in The Bachelorette.
Recently, I've been trying to do the exact opposite of what I usually do. Instead of running away from my fear and hanging out all night on Pinterest, I'm seeing what happens when I look it straight in the eye. For me, this means forcing myself to type words here on the blog almost every day.
I'm still deathly scared every time I start a new blog post. But I sit there uncomfortably and, eventually, starting to write makes the anxiety diminish...somewhat. That doesn't necessarily means I always like the words that come out -- often they embarrass me because they're too sentimental, too honest, or too amateur. But it feels good to confront something that scares me* and have something to show for it.
*One fear that will absolutely not be confronted here on the blog is the Silence of the Lambs basement. So if you're thought you'd stick around to read about that, I'm sorry to say: Not gonna happen.
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